CHAPTER 4: FALLING IN LOVE
Relationship, A Crucible
Webster’s Dictionary defines a crucible as “a set of circumstances where you are challenged in ways that can lead to change.” By seeing your relationship, especially the sexual part of your relationship, as a crucible, you can learn to create a deepening connection that heals wounds and makes passionate sex a natural part of life.
Falling in love feels like a dream come true, a prayer being answered. Yet we all have learned that this state never lasts. The balloon is punctured and starts to deflate when something happens that is not responded to with compassion. Until such a sensitive area is touched, learning is joyful and free flowing. Once one partner becomes judgmental or unresponsive, openness begins to diminish.
Closing hearts and emotionally shutting down begins subtly. The first bricks in a wall of protection are laid when one person is not aware that they have done something that the other does not like. It may occur around a seemingly innocuous event such as she being offended by something he said about women, or he getting irritated when she is late, again.
Up until that time, their hearts were open and they warmly and lovingly connected. But this time, he closed his heart and responded coldly, either with criticism or emotional withdrawal. Stung by that response, she closed her heart and responded with criticism or emotional withdrawal. Hurt by that response, he reacted in kind with more disapproval. Distance and pain began the downward spiral of their connection. With each partner pushing the other’s buttons, the protective bricks slowly built an emotional wall.
One brick will probably not have a negative effect on their relationship. But over time, as more and more bricks are added, the rising wall hinders open communication, and in-love feelings become distant memories.
Read on: The Importance of Discussing Safe Sex
Read on: A Heart-Connected Commitment
--- read more in the book ---
