Welcome to the ORAL SEX THE BOOK BLOG
While we had great fun writing the book that was just the beginning. Now, we want to create an open forum to discuss topics discussed in the book as well as related news and events. So we decided to hop on the blog bandwagon.
New topics will regularly appear here (see topics below), and simultaneously on the ORAL SEX THE BOOK Blogger, on everything sex and relationship related (everything that appears in the book!). We hope you will join us in the blog discussions by posting your thoughts and comments and asking questions.
Share news with us!!
When you discover new sex and relationship information, send us a message and we'll be sure to check it out! contact@oralsexthebook.com
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BLOG TOPICS
posted July 7, 2006 by Jordan Paul @ 11:08 AM
Go to this post at Blogger
Love Hurts - Part I
I'm addicted to the Fox Television series, "House." (House addicts can't just come out of the closet they have to come
out of the whole house and our 12-step program is HA.) I didn't discover "House" until its second season and now thanks to the miracle of DVD I get to see the entire first season over and over again.
I recently watched "Love Hurts", an episode that touches on
two issues particularly relevant to Oral Sex: Talking and Listening Your Way to Passionate Intimacy, trusting your
heart, the subject of this blog, and communicating honestly
and openly with your partner, the subject of Love Hurts - Part II.
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
"Love Hurts" is about Harvey, who is addicted to pain, and his friend Annette, a dominatrix. Annette tells Dr. House, "Harvey is an asphyxiaphyliac. He gets off on being strangled or smothered." Later she explains that, "It's not about the pain. It's about being open and completely vulnerable to another person. If you can learn to be that deeply trusting it changes you."
In his desire to be vulnerable Harvey is quite the opposite of House. During the episode Dr. Wilson confides to Dr. Cameron, "It has been a long time since House has opened up to anybody." Allowing oneself to be vulnerable and to open up to others is a central theme of my research and of Oral Sex.
Trusting Your Heart and Finding The Love That Really Works
Although Harvey's way will certainly change a person, putting one's emotional or physical life in the hands of another person, will never accomplish the most transforming lesson in life--learning to better trust oneself. Learning to trust yourself means learning to take better care of yourself emotionally. This happens naturally whenever you are truly connected to your heart. Oral Sex uses the sexual relationship as a cornerstone for learning to build greater trust in the wisdom of your heart, your true self.
Most people don't trust their hearts. They fear that an open heart will make them weak and vulnerable. The two most common fears of opening our hearts are that either others will treat us badly, or that we will be so caring about others that we will compromise our own integrity. To avoid that dilemma we all attempt to protect ourselves by closing our hearts.
Yet, it is only when connected to our hearts that we feel best about ourselves, and connecting heart-to-heart with another person is sheer bliss. Making love in that state is pure ecstasy and the sexual experiences that are often described as a spiritual love-making.
My focus as a psychotherapist is helping people find greater fulfillment in every area of their lives. As a result of our protections we miss out on what we truly need to feel fulfilled - a heart connection to others and ourselves. My hope for these blogs is that they can be a vehicle for honestly sharing thoughts, experiences, hopes, disappointments, doubts and fears. In this way, you can support each other in becoming both more heart connected and more powerful. Becoming better at this will not only improve your sexual relationships, but all your relationships.
In responding to the questions posed in these blogs, it is important to remember that there is a lot of misunderstanding about what is, and is not, a heart connection. One important thought to keep in mind, is that a heart connection will never allow you to compromise the integrity of another person or yourself.
What are your experiences and beliefs around trusting your heart, especially where sex is concerned?
Add your comment now!
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Thursday, June 1, 2006 @ 7:24 PM
posted by Jordan Paul
Trouble In The Bedroom
A recent Elle/MSNBC.com Sex and Love Survey reports "a big discontent in the bedroom when it comes to long term relationships."
The survey found that, "Although men and women start with the same level of sexual satisfaction when they begin a relationship, after just a few years men claim to be less content, both physically and emotionally, than they were in the early days. Men were more likely to report less sexual frequency -- 73 percent of men said there was more sex in the early days, compared with 65 percent of women."
So what else is new? As a marriage counselor, I've heard complaints like that for 35 years. Although couples hoped for a different result, everyone knows that the frequency and newness of sex naturally diminishes with time, right? Wrong!
Sexual desire wanes not because of time or familiarity, but when the openness, connection, and trust that is present when couples fall in-love, becomes blocked. When we open our hearts we break the barriers that inhibit our peak experiences. Only when we learn to do this can we have the kind of sex that so many of these couples are unfortunately missing out on. That truly fantastic sex is an improvised dance that has no set routine, but weaves a pattern that follows the ever-changing rhythm and needs of each partner. Opening our hearts attunes to these needs.
Not every sexual experience will be open and loving. Sometimes sex will be just a quickie or to satisfy a physical need. But, without an open-hearted connection being an integral part of a couple's life, a sexual relationship ultimately falls into predictable and routine patterns. Couples may try to enliven their sex lives with toys or role-playing, but by themselves, these attempts will not bring about long-lasting excitement and genuine satisfaction.
Newness and desire both flow naturally from a heart connection. An intimate connection occurs whenever people make love with their hearts open. Closed hearts create the wounding that erodes trust. The good news is that trust can be repaired and rebuilt. The key to renewing the connection that encourages openness and allows sexual experiences to be exciting and satisfying is, "Talking and Listening Your Way to Passionate Intimacy," the subtitle of Oral Sex.
For me the so-called "news" of the survey is both sad and exhilarating; sad because it shows just how many people are experiencing relationships without open hearts; and exhilarating because I know that every one of these people can get on the path to experiencing happy, healthy (and sexually bountiful!) relationships.
What is your experience with sex in long-term relationships?
Add your comment now!
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 @ 2:31 PM
posted by Jordan Paul
Welcome to Oral Sex The Blog
A new article related to Oral Sex will be posted regularly. It will use information that is current in the media and our culture to illustrate the ideas described in Oral Sex.
For example the June blog will comment on the recent Elle/MSNBC survey that found “Discontent in the bedroom when it comes to long-term relationships.” Future blogs will include articles related to: the incredible sensuality and connection in Gregory Colbert's photo exhibit, "Ashes and Snow;" deepening trust and couples not communicating as dealt with in an episode of my favorite television program, “House;” and the role of erotica in keeping passion alive.
All this, just in time for the mid-term elections, will lead up to a special October blog relating Oral Sex to politics (not wanting to disappoint you please note that it will have nothing to do with past presidential actions in the oval office).
We welcome your comments!
Brenda and Jordan
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